5 Wild Theories About the Meaning of Trump's 'Covfefe'

What the hell does Trump's "covfefe" mean? Here are five theories just as ridiculous as his tweets.

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Image via Gage Skidmore
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A 70-year-old man who speaks at a third-grade reading level typed out a completely nonsensical tweet Tuesday night, hit send, then waited a few hours before deleting it. The 70-year-old man in question, tragically, happens to be the fucking President of the United States.

"Despite the constant negative press covfefe," Trump tweeted at 12:06 a.m. ET. But what is "covfefe," anyway? Presumably, Trump meant to type out the not-very-hard-to-get-right-on-the-first-try word "coverage," as in "Despite the constant negative press coverage." Still, that's an incomplete thought. Furthermore, that's an incomplete thought that a president let linger in the air for hours before, in true third-grader fashion, attempting to spin it into some kind of a game Wednesday morning:

Even when taking into consideration the numerous examples of Trump dumbassery prior to the covfefe incident, this tweet speaks volumes. Should a POTUSΒ be this bad at Twitter? Should they be tweeting anything so late at night/early in the morning? Given the recent reports of Trump becoming "increasingly isolated" inside the White House following the departure of communications director MichaelΒ Dubke, this "covfefe" idiocy is pretty troubling.

To cope with the latest troublesome Trump development, let's spend actual human hours futilely attempting to decipher the real meaning of covfefe. What the fuck is it? Here are five pointless, stupid, and time-wasting theories. None of these are presented as factual, so tread mindfully.Β 

Russian dating site

A stream of dating sites have made quite the splash in recent years. What if a Russian one called Covfefe crafted the viral moment as a semi-sly promo campaign?

Hand enlargement pill

The man has tiny hands, so tiny he can barely do anything.

Despite the constant negative press, Covfefe works wonders on those with tiny hands. I would know. I hadn't seen my own hands in 23 years. Then I took Covfefe, and I've been grabbing various items ever since. Thanks Covfefe. Also, I swear my dick isn't as tiny as my hands used to be. Seriously.

Sad. But imagine finishing Trump's thought as an ad for a new hand enlargement pill known as Covfefe:

Straight-to-Redbox action movie starring Chuck Norris

"Despite the constant negative press, Chuck Norris' Covfefe: Born to Die to Be Born Again Praise Jesus is the must-see movie of the century."

For context, Chuck Norris expressed his support of Trump in July 2016. Also, Norris' career is littered with absolute shit. Covfefe is a movie that will probably actually happen.

Bizarre millionaire slang for "I resign"

This is my personal favorite example of wishful thinking.

Just another fucking distraction

Potential covfefe meanings aside, there's far important shit to be talking about. For example, according to the New York Times, Trump is expected to pull the United States from the Paris climate agreement. Trump said Wednesday that his decision on the U.S. position in the climate change accord will be announced "over the next few days."

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