If you measured last night’s episode of Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta by sex, based on the teaser, you thought you were going to be treated to a full-fledged orgy. Instead, you got fingered with a pinky. Foreplay can be great, but not when I’m being teased with a confrontation between Joseline and this woman who won’t stop saying her name every damn week, Jessica Dime. That’s a climax, bitch. Way to overhype the confrontation, production team.
Those two didn’t engage until the very last scene, but before that took place, the show’s resident messy ass friend, Karlie Redd, set up the tension. Karlie doesn’t seem to sing anymore, and she’s not dating a rapper, so as far as her point on this show goes, she’s essentially a middleman and greeter to new cast members with no friends. Enter Jessica Dime, who while in a pool with Karlie, revealed that she and Joseline used to fool around—to the delight of their VIP guest, Stevie J. Jessica described Joseline as her “trick” and said she was all up in her kutty kat. She also added that she could’ve taken Joseline’s man as Stevie J offered to knock her up.
So, a man with noted substance abuse issues and multiple baby mamas (and the child support cases to prove it) offers to knock you up during a ho shit session where he was likely inebriated and you fix your face to say, “I could’ve had your man.” Yeah, probably for a couple of hours, but as MoKenStef let us know, “You may have had him once, but I got him all the time.”
Go ahead, sing, “YOU CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT.”
Jessica sounded like a cross between Safaree (bitter) and Ronnie from the Players Club (bitter and trying to get popped).
Later, Karlie linked with Joseline who, to the surprise of no one, had no issue admitting anything. Joseline “Yeah, I ate her box, but she’s my bitch. She do what I say. She ate my ass and my pussy all night when I tell her to do it.” She then advised her to live off her own name, but noted, “but you don’t have one because everybody know you as a playgirl.”
I could seriously quote this woman all day. To wit, Joseline explained when it came to tricking off Dimepenny, “I didn’t have to give you money. I just give money because you broke and you need it.”
And in the confessional there some other gems: “Bitch you could never drop a bomb on me because I am the bomb” and "There is nothing I have to tell Dimepenny unless the bitch is on her knees."
How does this woman not have an Emmy already? Joseline ended the conversation by telling Karlie to pass word that Dimepenny can come see her in the studio. So she did while Joseline was in a session. Stevie escorted himself out of the studio and once Jessica entered the booth, Joseline told her, “I heard you been looking for me.”
We have to wait until next week to see Joseline throw a drink at Dimepenny’s head. I know, I know. We can wait together.
We have to wait until next week to see Joseline throw a drink at Dimepenny’s head. I know, I know. We can wait together.
While we didn’t get the full Joseline and Dimepenny confrontation, we were treated to three other ones—two of which we’ve seen too many damn times already.
Mimi stopped by Ariane’s new condo where the two made up over Mimi telling her friend all of those damn lies about the porn she shot with that wack ass man. This would lead to yet another back and forth between her and Margeaux. Margeaux arrived at Ariane’s spot dressed like an adult member of the 1990s group Another Bad Creation and ready to set shit off like an old No Limit track. We finally get Mimi on an episode where she is not screaming and cursing folks out for the majority of the time, only to have Margeaux’s ass ruin it by projecting her anger onto her.
Margeaux may be lovely for a coffee date or museum outing, but she can get the fuck on as far as this show goes. You married Nikko, a dude who probably is still mad he was never in Dru Hill, Portrait, or some other old R&B group, though you two swear you’re “separated,” so who are you to be questioning anyone else’s level of self-respect?
That’s not how any of this works, beloved. We get it already: Margeaux is foolishly in love with this terrible man, believes his lies, and ardently defends him in front of people with a greater tap into sanity. We’ve borne witness to this type for too long now.
The suffering must end.
Speaking of, Khadiyah and Yung Joc had yet another meeting over their half-assed situationship. Rasheeda, who for so many reasons I cannot fathom, has started doling out relationship advice to people, is responsible for this because she encouraged Khadiyah to speak to Joc—mostly because she wants Joc to get the fuck off her couch. Why is a rapper on a VH1 show without a lease to his name? I’m just playing along, y’all.
Khadiyah's storyline with Yung Joc is basically a 12-inch remix of Shae Jones' "Talk Show SHH." At this point, all I have to say to Khadiyah is you were with Joc when he was smashing Karlie Redd, so why would you expect loyalty from this man?
Finally, there is Kaleena, who turned to Deb Antney—a.k.a. the Yoda of Southern hip-hop—to potentially manager her career. Or so we thought. As it turns out, Kaleena went through this entire process—which included drafting management release papers from her husband, Tony—only to scold him when he actually planned to sign them.
“I ain’t got time for these games,” he said. Neither do we, Tony. Now I see why Dawn Richard is out here dancing in 1845 English villages and galaxies far, far away on a budget and you’re on here mad. Until next week, folks.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.
