Media Take Out: The Most Ratchet Headlines of September

Noteworthy news, MTO style.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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The blog-style gossip site Media Take Out, which launched in 2006, is notoriously known for inciting celebrity drama. And as the most visited urban website in the world, readers constantly demand slanderous dirt (read: shade) on A-listers. The most fascinating part about the online gabfest, however, is its unique approach to crafting headlines. Never before has a web entity appropriated such a distinct (read: ratchet) style and voice. Here, we recap the best headlines of September.

RELATED: Media Take Out Keeps It Real: Reimagining World Events as Covered by MTO

HOORAY!!! Alicia Keys Got Rid Of That SILLY STAR TREK HAIRSTYLE . . . Now She's Back To Looking CUTE AGAIN!!

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CONGRATS!!! Remember Child Actress MAIA CAMPBELL . . . Who Became A CRACKHEAD . . . Well She's CLEANED UP . . .. And PREGNANT!!

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In Today's Episode Of WHITE FOLKS DO THE DARNDEST . . . Drunk White Girl Blows THE HIGHEST BREATHALYZER SCORE Ever . . . Then Brags About It On Twitter!!

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EXTREME THIRST!!! Actor Shemar Was Trying To BE NICE . . . And Take Pics With FANS . . . When This THIRSTY CHICK COMES ALONG . . .

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Lamar Odom's DRUG DEALER SPEAKS . . . Claims Khloe's Husband Was HIGH ON CRACK . . . When He Played The NY KNICKS!!!

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BIG PIMPIN!!! LeBron James MAMA Is Dating A Miami Rapper . . . And Dude Is LIVING THA LIFE . . . While Bron Bron Is PAYING DUDE BILLS!!!

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SHOCK REPORT: African Millionaire Is KILLED By His FIVE WIVES . . . They F**KED HIM TO DEATH!!!!

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Robin Thicke And Paula Patton ARE CONFIRMED SWINGERS . . . Paula Asked The BLONDE GIRL . . . To F**K HER HUSBAND!!!

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Welp . . . Guess We Now Know What Gabby 'PRECIOUS' Sidibe Did All SUMMER . . . She SAT IN THE SUN AND ATE PORK PRODUCTS!!!

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AWWW SH*T . . IT'S GOING DOWN!! Kim Kardashian BLASTS Kanye West . . . Says She's NOT ATTRACTED To Him . . . And That His D**K SMELLS!!!

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LMAOOOOOO!!! These Folks On Twitter Are RUTHLESS . . . They F**KING With Them Pics Of Jay Z Diving Into The POOL!!!

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SHE DID IT AGAIN!!! Celebrity Socialite Teyana Taylor EXPOSED HER BREASTS AGAIN . . . Too Bad Her BULLDOG FACE Was In The Picture!!!

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Frank Ocean Needs To GO SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE . . . Cause Obviously He's STILL BUTT HURT That Chris Brown BEAT HIS AZZ!!!

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WOOOOOOOOW!! These New BOOTY DOCTORS Are Amazing . . . With Modern Medicine . . . They Can TRANSFORM PRECIOUS Into MALIAH . . . In One Operation!!!

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Beyonce's FIRST BOYFRIEND Is Talking . . . All About Their SEX LIFE . . . Find Out If JIgga Was THE FIRST ONE In Bey's BOX!!!

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OOOOOH SNAP!!! Kanye West Goes On A DOUBLE DATE . . . Yeezy got His BLONDE DUDE . . . And His Homie Is Out With FRANK OCEANS EX!!!

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WHOOPS!!! Kim Kardashian 'ACCIDENTALLY' Tweets Out A Pic Of The New IPHONE 6 . . . Before Apple Announces It!!!

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We Got CLOSE UP PICS Of Rihanna's New MULLET WEAVE . . . And While We Think It Looks STUPID . . . Her Hairstylist Did A GOOD JOB With The Weave!!

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Did Y'all Just Feel THAT RUMBLE IN THE GROUND .. . No That Wasn't An EARTHQUAKE . . . That's The Sound Of DEELISHIS TWERKING!!!

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New CLOSE UP Pics Of Beyonce's Face Suggest . . . That She Might Be A LOT OLDER THAN 32 Years Old!!

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Rapper Gucci Man Releases Some TEXT MESSAGES . . . That Were SUPPOSEDLY Sent To Him From RAPPER DRAKE!!!

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Chris Brown's CONCUBINE KOOCHI KOOCHI Changes Up Her Look . . . Now She Has FIRE RED HAIR . . . Just Like RIHANNA USED TO HAVE!!!

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MTO SUPER WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Mariah Carey And Nas Looked 'VERY COZY' At His Birthday Party . . . Does This Mean That Mariah And Nick Are SPLITTING UP???

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WHOOPS!! Justin Bieber's EX-GIRLFRIEND Selena Gomez Has A 'WARDROBE MALFUNCTION' On Stage . . . She BUSSED IT A Little Too Open . . . And Showed HER GOODIES!!

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Floyd Mayweather Brought ALL SIX OF HIS GIRLFRIENDS To The Fight Last Night . . . They All Got CUSTOM MADE GOWNS . . . So You Decide . . . Who Looked THE BEST!!

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MTO WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Party Crasher . . . Latina GROUPIE Had To Be 'PHYSICALLY REMOVED' From LeBron James' Wedding!!!

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WHAT THE F**K????? Jada Pinkett Shows Off her NEW HAIR STYLE . . . And It Looks Like She Let WILLOW CUT HER HAIR!!!

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LMAOOOOOOOOOO!!! Kim Kardashian's Mother ACCIDENTALLY SLIPS UP On Instagram . . . Exposes That Her Show Keeping Up With The Kardashians . . . Is A COMPLETE FRAUD!!!

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Remember That SEXY BEARD That Chris Brown Had . . . The One We Showed Y'all Yesterday . . . Well He DREW IT ON With A Magic Marker!!!

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YIKES!!! Remember How We Always Used To Say That Actress STACEY DASH . . . NEVER AGES . . . Welp . . . She's AGING FAST NOW!!!

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OH WOW!!! You Know AMBER RILEY . . . The Black Girl From GLEE That's Gonna Be On Dancing With The Stars . . . Well They Caught Her On A BAD DAY!!!

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Gabby Union Loses Her BIKINI BOTTOMS While Running On The Beach . . . EXPOSES HER COOCH To The Camera!!

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Atlanta Rapper ALLEY BOY'S Ex Girlfriend Puts Him ON BLAST . . . Releases ALL His Thirsty Text Messages . . . So He RESPONDS . . . And Releases NEKKID PICS OF HER!!!

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White Rapper Iggy Azaelia Is DOING THE MOST At A Concert . . . She's Not Even DANCING . . . She's Just SPREADING HER LEGS . . . And Showing The Crowd Her UTERUS!!!

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YIKES!! Karrueche Must Smoke A WHOLE LOTTA WEED . . . Cause Look At WHAT IT DID To Her Lips!!!

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Reality Star Antoine Dobson Is Photo'd Out With A Woman . . . We Can't Tell If That's His BABYS MOTHER . . . Or His SHOE SHOPPING PARTNER!!!

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You Are Not Gonna BELIEVE Who They Say Drake Is Dating Now . . . If It's True . . . Somebody Needs To SMACK THE SH*T OUTTA HIM!!!

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AWWWWW SH*T!!! Online Rumors Claim That Miley Cyrus . . . Is PREGNANT With Rapper JUICY J'S BABY!!!!

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Rapper Diddy Told His Girlfriends KIM PORTER And CASSIE . . . To Take The WEEKEND OFF . . . While He Spent QUALITY TIME WITH BABY MAMA NUMBER THREE!!!

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EXTREME THIRST!!! They Saying That MARRIED R&B Singer Keyshia Cole Was At The CLUB LAST NIGHT . . . THROWING THE P*ZZY AT Ex-Boyfriend Young Jeezy!!!

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