J.R.R. Tolkien Live-Tweets "The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug"

Read what the father of Middle-Earth thought about Peter Jackson's latest.

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Complex Original

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So far, Peter Jackson’s Hobbit movies have gone from one of the most anticipated projects of the past decade to becoming one of the most divisive major film productions of all time. Movie fans, film critics, and Tolkien purists have all weighed in with their thoughts, both positive and negative (mostly negative), on Jackson’s follow-up to the Lord of the Rings. But what about the father of Middle-Earth, J.R.R. Tolkien? What does he feel about having his 300-page children’s book turned into an over-eight-hour film trilogy?

Well, wonder no more because we stumbled across Tolkien’s official Twitter account, where he live-tweeted his experience while watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Check out Tolkien's surprisingly profane take on the movie below: 

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Sorry. My first butt tweet! Okay, starting this for real now.
I haven’t written in a few decades, so I might be a bit rusty. I’ll try not to write any songs.
I have to pay $14.50 to see a movie based on my own work? I wasn’t bitten by a large baboon spider as a boy to pay this much for a movie.
Finally. The movie is starting. Glad I nabbed the handicapped seat. Thanks, large baboon spider.
Oh hey, it’s Peter Jackson. Looks like these 3D cameras add a bit more than 10 pounds.
Who is that? Don’t tell me that’s supposed to be Beorn. He looks like the Grinch. And not the good Grinch; the Ron Howard Grinch.
Who’s this female elf? I don’t remember creating her. But I’m also 122 years old so what do I know? Better still get the royalties, though.
What is Legolas doing here? Did Jackson read the book? He was prolly too busy emailing George Lucas pictures of his Oscars. Jokers.
Can I get the name of the mannequin who taught Orlando Bloom how to act?
I think Legolas has said more in this movie than in the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy.
That barrel escape scene woke me up. At least it’s not as bad as the Brontosaurus herd from “King Kong.”
Is Peter Jackson a drug user?
The kid next to me is drinking his soda loudly. This generation needs a Great War.
If I stop tweeting, it’s because I’ve brought the Great War to this kid and am now in jail.
Apparently Laketown is the Detroit of Middle-Earth.
So Gandalf finds out about Sauron’s reappearance now, yet he waits 60 years to actually do anything about it?
Finally get to see Smaug after two hours of having my patience tested.
Oh Smaug’s voice makes my blood run cold. Love that Benedict Cumberbatch.
But really though, why do we English continue to name our children like this?
I’m confused, there are 20 minutes left in the movie and they still have so much to get to. Where the ring at?
OK, now this climax is worse than the Brontosaurus herd. Dwarves with melted gold? Really? Gonna write a long song about this.
That’s it? It’s over?
Wait, there’s still ANOTHER one? It didn’t even take me this long to write the book. Definitely writing an angry song about this.
Oh well, maybe there’s still time to sneak into “Blue is the Warmest Colour.” C.S. Lewis said he giggled through the entire thing.

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