Professional Power Rankings For Sitcom Characters

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Played by: Jim Rash

Occupation: Community College Dean

Strengths: Cares about students (a little too much)

Weaknesses: Innumerable

Dean Pelton ranks among the worst employees in television history. His resume is difficult to track because every institution he's been employed at has ultimately shut down. Though enrollment has increased at Greendale under Pelton's watch, precious little else has improved. Greendale would have likely gone the way of his past employers by now if it wasn't for the air conditioner repair school which, though technically a part of Greendale, is run by far more able administrators than Pelton.

Rather than addressing the problems within the student body or pursuing accepted modes of improvement, Pelton goes for huge spectacles that provide little positive return. In his time at Greendale, Pelton has erected a statue of Luis Guzman, held an STD fair, and allowed the school to be wrecked by paintball battles on several occasions. Though Pelton has been a wonderful story engine for Community, he may be the worst fictional dean since Wormer in Animal House.

Played by: Nick Offerman

​Occupation: Parks Department Official

Strengths: Personal responsibility and self-reliance

Weaknesses: Complete and utter disdain for his office

Few employees are as competent as Ron Swanson while being so terrible at their job. For Ron, being bad at his job goes beyond issues of ability, it is about his personal philosophy. As a staunch libertarian, Ron believes in small, limited government. He is so tied to to this stance that he has dedicated his life to slowing down the already slow-turning wheels of government. Swanson does all he can to make sure he accomplishes as little as he can. He is the kind of man that cheers a government shut down. Though we get the sense that if Ron went to work full-time as a wood worker, hunter, or grill master, he would be a great employee, we have to rate his work in the Pawnee Parks Department as some of the worst fictional labor we've ever seen.

Played by: Josh Brener

​Occupation: Hooli Employee (No particular designation)

Strengths: Friends with brilliant people

Weaknesses: Not actually a brilliant person

Most of us would agree that being paid to sit around and do nothing sounds wonderful. It turns out that when it actually happens, it doesn't feel so great. Early on in Silicon Valley, Big Head is hired by Hooli in hopes that his insider knowledge will give them a competitive advantage over Pied Piper. When it is discovered that he doesn't actually know much of anything about Pied Piper's product, he attains that state so many office dwellers through the years have dreamed of. He is paid to hang out and do nothing.

Though doing jack shit at the office would probably be nice for a while, eventually that nagging concept of self-worth comes along and makes you feel terrible. This is worse for Big Head because he lives in a city full of geniuses and has to come to terms with the fact the he doesn't have the same gifts possessed by many in Silicon Valley. Even if you can't exactly relate to the absurd environment of the tech world, Big Head's situation is one we can all identify with. Anyone who earnestly tries their hand at something reaches a point where they realize that there are people out there who are much better than they are. Either you come to terms with your relative mediocrity or it paralyzes you. It turns out it isn't that fun to be paid to do nothing if you have spend all of your time around the people who are paid to do the something you wish you could do.

Played by: Kevin Connolly

Occupation: Manager

Strengths: Friends with Vince

Weaknesses: Has no idea what he's doing

There has been much debate regarding the acting prowess of Vinnie Chase. The gulf between Adrian Grenier's actual acting ability and the theoretical acting ability of Vince has been debated since the show premiered; the debate shows no signs of letting up now that we're getting the Entourage movie many of us can't wait to avoid.

Not enough attention has been paid to the fact that while Vince the character was a good (or at least bankable) actor, E was generally a terrible manager. E was rarely able to foresee poor decisions in Vince's personal life or his film choices. It takes him years to get any other clients, despite the sizable influence of Vince and his girlfriend's father. We never really see E articulate a vision for what few clients he does land. Any success E has seems to come from dumb luck, and the calls he gets right (like advising against Medellin) seem so painfully obvious that anyone who isn't Vince would be able to see it.

Played by: Kat Dennings

​Occupation: Waitress / Cupcake Entrepreneur

Strengths: Streets smarts

Weaknesses: Customer service

With her incredible rudeness to customers, Max has continually proven herself a sub-par waitress since the pilot of Two Broke Girls. She has been waiting tables for most of her hard scrabble life, but the technical skill as a waitress isn't worth much if you can't mask your disdain for your clientele. Like many day jobbers, Max has higher aspirations. She hopes to one day run her own cupcake shop. In the course of three seasons she had a shop, lost it, and kind of got it back again. While anyone who has ever been to New York will tell you that the cupcake game is cut-throat, it's hard to rank Max a success as a cupcake slinger. Despite almost 70 episodes worth of attempting to raise the funds for their pastry efforts, the girls remain largely broke. At last count, they only had $2,500 at their disposal and it looks like Max won't be trading in a life as a substandard waitress for a career as a cupcake entrepreneur any time soon.

Played by: Matthew Morrison

Occupation: Music Teacher

Strengths: Passionate, knows music

Weaknesses: Is he living vicariously through the kids?

There is no question that Will is a talented teacher, but the spectre of his own artistic failures hangs over his tenure at William McKinely High. Mr. Schue is never one to shy away from performances of his own, and even goes as far as to flirt with staging his own Broadway show. Many teachers, particularly in the arts, have trouble coming to terms with their own frustrated ambitions. Often, they are teaching children who could become what they had once dreaming of being themselves: a star actor, a virtuoso pianist, or a master painter. Though Mr. Schue truly cares for his students, you can't help but wonder if he sees them, at least partially, as peers. Even after a half-decade at McKinely, it still seems like he harbors some shred of hope of finding stardom.

Played by: David Schwimmer

Occupation: Paleontologist

Strengths: No idea

Weaknesses: No idea

Whether you're in the "Friends is overrated" camp or the "Friends is a classic" camp, there's one thing you have to respect about the show: that they made Ross a paleontologist. In a fictional world filled with lawyers, waiters, and *shudder* architects, Friends went for the gusto with Ross Geller. 

It is a struggle to discern whether or not Geller is a good paleontologist. This is largely because we have no idea what separates a good and a bad paleontologist. Nonetheless, let's look at what we know. He graduated with a Phd. from Columbia University. That's usually a good sign. He became a professor at NYU, also a good sign. Unfortunately, he proved to be a pretty poor professor, and left the job shortly thereafter. That being said, his shortcomings as a professor reflect more on his ability to function in academia than they do his paleontology skills.

From what little we know, it looks like Ross was a good student, bad teacher, and a pretty decent paleontologist.

Played by: Analeigh Tipton

Occupation: Publishing (Entry Level)

Strengths: Eager

Weaknesses: Knows nothing about publishing

Just as smart men in film and television are generically architects, women tend to "work in publishing." Dana on Manhattan Love Story is the next in a long line of female characters to have a job in publishing that we'll surely never find out too many details about. The publishing gig is easy character development. To work in publishing means you're smart and creative, but not too creative. It means you have money, but not too much money. It allows for the creation of a character that has it all, but still has to work for it.

As far as Dana's competence in publishing, after just one episode, that remains to be seen. So far, we know that Dana is eager, that this is her dream job, and that she can easily be duped by her co-workers in to doing whatever they want. It's odd that Dana doesn't have a firm command of the job description of her "dream job," but hey, this is New York City baby, where dreams come true, even if those dreams have no relationship to reality whatsoever.

Played by: Jason Bateman

Occupation: President and CEO of The Bluth Company

Strengths: Work ethic, determination

Weaknesses: Bluthiness

​We all wrestle with a sinking feeling that we will someday become our parents. With the latest season of Arrested Development in the books, we get the sense that this concern has been the stealth narrative of the show the entire time. When Arrested Development began, it seemed that the narrative of the show was Michael's attempt to save his family business while saving himself from his family. As the seasons wore on, we began to see cracks in Michael's self-image. The man who was first presented to us as a hard-working, industrious, and thoughtful businessman started to look remarkably like the family he had rejected. Dishonesty, narcissism, and risky behaviors start to creep into his personal and professional life, and we started to see that perhaps Michael isn't all that different from his family after all.

Played by: Steve Carrell

​Occupation: Regional Manager

Strengths: Knows the paper business

Weaknesses: Constantly running afoul of HR

Conventional wisdom says that Michael Scott was a terrible Dunder-Mifflin employee. A closer look at his tenure as Regional Manager, however, proves otherwise. Yes, the man didn't exactly inspire high morale in his employees, and every time he opened his mouth was an HR complaint waiting to happen. However, the man knows how to sell paper. Whenever Michael would go out in the field, he proved himself a master of the biz. He also genuinely loves Dunder-Mifflin, which is a respectable quality in its own right. No, Michael Scott isn't a terrible Dunder-Mifflin employee, he is just a shimmering example of the Peter Principle, which states that employees rise to their level of incompetence. Great salesmen don't make great regional managers, and Michael Scott is certainly not a great regional manager.

Played by: Josh Radnor

Occupation: Architect

Strengths: Boy next door charm

Weaknesses: Milquetoast lameness

When television writers don't want to think about what job to give their characters, they go to one of two defaults. Women very generally "work in publishing" and men are given the fictional career of architect.  Like publishing, architecture is somewhat artistic and requires serious intelligence, but an architect isn't often associated with the stereotypical artist. This allows writers to present a version of themselves without seeming too pretentious. If you start paying attention, you'll find that roughly a quarter of all educated characters in film and television history are architects.

How good of an architect is Ted Mosby? The first couple seasons of HIMYM show Ted working up the ranks, earning a substantial promotion. Season three brought with it some sturm und drang in Ted's personal life, and he started to unravel. He was fired from a huge project in season four, and then elected to become a professor of architecture. Nothing against academics, but there is the stereotype of "those who can't do, teach" to contend with here, especially since Ted kind of washed out of the field. Our impression of Ted's architectural ability improves substantially later in the series when he leaves academia and gets back in the game, landing on magazine covers and earning industry accolades.

It's hard to get a clean read on Ted's architectural ability, as he goes from being shoved out of the business to a pillar of the field in three seasons. This falls in line with the first rule of fictional architects, which is that the writers were being lazy when they made him an architect in the first place and could care less about his career trajectory. For what it's worth, Architect Magazine couldn't discern whether or not he was a good architect, but they do feel that his path is a pretty unbelievable.

Played by: H. John Benjamin

Occupation: Restaurateur

Strengths: Beef artistry

Weaknesses: Business

There is a difference between being good at something and running a business doing that thing. This is a lesson that has been hard learned by small business owners for centuries, and it is the challenge that has defined Bob Belcher's adulthood. Bob is known around town as a burger craftsman, and has been called a "beef artist" on multiple occasions. There is no denying the quality of Bob's Burgers.

Unfortunately, Bob isn't much of a businessman. Poor financial decisions and bad luck have been the story of his career. Though Bob's Burgers has been around for decades, Belcher and his family often find themselves in a tight financial situation. If making burgers were all Bob had to worry about, he would be a great employee. Unfortunately, when you make something in a capitalistic society you have to sell it too. And that's where Bob runs into trouble.

Played by: Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Occupation: Copy writer, Publishing

Strengths: Flexibility, dealing with eccentric bosses

Weaknesses: Finances

When compared to the rest of the Seinfeld characters, Elaine looks like the employee of the century. Kramer spends eight-and-a-half seasons on strike, Jerry only does stand-up at night, and George's catastrophic professional life is rivaled only by his awful personal life. When compared to the hardest working characters on other sitcoms though, Elaine comes out feeling pretty middle of the road.

Like so many female television characters before and after her, Elaine works in editing/publishing. Unlike many of her peers, we actually get a sense of what she does at her job and how she works. With the exception of a brief stint as the personal assistant to an eccentric, Elaine remains steadily employed as a copy writer and editor throughout the run of the show. She loses her first job a couple seasons into Seinfeld, but this is due to the company's failures, not her own. Elaine spends the bulk of the series employed by the J. Peterman Catalog. Elaine proves a capable editor, and is able to regain her job after being fired on several occasions due to misunderstandings. Benes is briefly put in charge of the catalog, but isn't up to the task. After some poor financial decisions, she is demoted back to her old position. Sometimes a demotion can be a blessing in disguise. Rather than meet the over-promoted fate of Michael Scott, Elaine is allowed to return to a position where she can flourish from 9-5, and still have time for cynical misadventures.

Played by: Kate Walsh

Occupation: Judge 

Strengths: Upholding rules during day time hours. 

Weaknesses: Disobeying said rules nocturnally.

There is a distinct possibility that Bad Judge won't be around for us to kick around anymore by the time you read this. In the race to the bottom for worst premise of this pilot season Bad Judge is a serious competitor. Though Mysteries of Laura, Selfie, and Manhattan Love Story all make you want to gag, Bad Judge is so damn low concept, on paper it sounds like the worst of the bunch.

But, we aren't here today to critique the show Bad Judge. We need to figure how just how bad of a judge Rebecca Wright is. It turns out that Wright is more Bad Teacher than Bad Santa. While Billy Bob Thornton made an objectively awful Santa, skinny foul-mouthed God that he is, Wright is actually a pretty good judge. Though she comes to work hung over and uses her chambers as her own personal sex lair, she is tough, fair, and creative in her judgeship. Sure, she may be "bad" after hours in that she has a taste for the good stuff, but don't try to tell me that Ruth Bader Ginsberg doesn't tuck a flask somewhere beneath that robe.

Our verdict: bad show, good judge.

Voiced by: Mike Judge

Occupation: Propane (and propane accessories) salesman

Strengths: Passionate about propane

Weaknesses: Doesn't appreciate that others may not be

No discussion of TV comedy careers is complete without a talking about the greatest fictional propane salesman in history. Whenever King of the Hill pops into your mind, you can't help but recall the line "propane and propane accessories" uttered in Hank Hill's gentle baritone. Though Hank is in a dead-end job (his manager's name is on the sign, as they say), he approaches his job with zealous dedication. He refuses to miss a day of work under any circumstances, even at risk of great personal harm. Hank's dedication has paid off, as he is three time winner of the Propane Salesman of the Year Award. In the grand scheme of things, Hanks unwavering dedication works against him. We know, and more importantly, his boss knows, that Hank would never leave Strickland Propane, which means career advancement isn't likely in the cards. Of course, it's pretty clear that Hank's happy just where he is.

Played by: Sarah Jessica Parker

Occupation: Sex Columnist

Strengths: Does a lot of research (if you know what I mean)

Weaknesses: Grating inner monologue

​Few fictional careers have been as hotly debated as Carrie Bradshaw's gig as a sex columnist that allowed her to rent an entire studio apartment just for her shoes. To live the lifestyle that Carrie maintained, with all the brunches, footwear, and cab rides you can handle, she would have had to have quite the career. Bradshaw wouldn't just have to be a sex columnist, she would have to be the sex columnist. There would have to be book deals (and in fact she published five books during the series), memoirs, and television appearances bolstering her meal ticket column.

Let's assume that Carrie lives in the real New York City, and not the New York City created in the imaginations of America's collective basic bitches where no one feels any pain and you never want for an iced latte. Only a handful of non-fiction writers achieve the kind of notoriety that Bradshaw reaches in Sex and the City. She would have to be on level of Emily Gould or Lena Dunham if we are talking the millennial set, and a couple more age appropriate comparisons would be Maureen Dowd or perhaps Joan Didion. 

Judging by Carrie's inner monologues reciting her pieces, her work isn't even in the same dimension as Year of Magical Thinking. Giving credit where credit's due, however, we have to give her points for not being as oddly self-indulgent and unfocused as Dowd. Let's settle somewhere in the middle. Bradshaw is a thoughtful essayist though she falls short of penetrating insight. She has a solid following that has led to the odd book deal and television appearance. Girl could get an appearance fee her and there when the coffers grow light. Though she won't be lining her bookshelf with Peabodys or Pulitzers, she is capable enough to sustain her six figure lifestyle.

Played by: Kevin Dunn

Occupation: Chief of Staff

Strengths: Decades of experience, mastery of his craft

Weaknesses: Jaded, tired, morose

Sometimes the best man for the job is the man who doesn't want the job. Young, hungry political operatives Dan, Amy, and Jonah are constantly jockeying for position, attempting to form relationships of convenience and then hang their peers out to dry with equal intensity. Cafferty, by contrast, has a "I try to get out ... but they pull me back in" stance on politics. You get the sense that he would leave the game if it wasn't for the incompetent and heartless people who would step up in his place. Though any illusions he had about politics were washed away in his nine-cup coffee thermos long ago, he still remains in the game. It's hard to say whether he does it out of a sense of duty, a personal need, or because he doesn't know what else to do, but despite how much he hates politics, Ben Cafferty is damn good at it.

Played by: Mary Tyler Moore

Occupation: News Producer

Strengths: Perspective, decision-making, compromise

Weaknesses: Being a woman in a man's world

Decades after she walked into an office trying to get hired as a secretary and walked out a producer, Mary Richards' fictional career continues to have an impact on the culture. Before The Mary Tyler Moore Show, the work that female characters did was largely domestic, save the rare trip to the dessert assembly line. With the character of Mary Richards, Mary Tyler Moore provided a blueprint for female characters in a workplace place comedy and a positive role model for young women watching around the country.

In the context of the show, Richards is a great employee. Her employment record is flawless, as she is promoted twice before being laid off with the rest of the news room in the shows final episode (half century old spoiler alert).  Was Mary a better employee than Liz Lemon or Murphy Brown? No. But, without Mary Richards, there is no Liz Lemon or Murphy Brown.

Played by: Anthony Anderson

Occupation: Advertising Executive

Strengths: Savvy, intelligence, work ethic

Weaknesses: Family distractions

You hate to call family a weakness. However, film and television often invite us to draw that distinction. Since the days of I Love Lucy, a key tension in many sitcoms has been the priorities of family versus priorities of career. This is very much the case with Blackish. We meet Dre as he is mulling over a promotion to Senior Vice President of an advertising agency. In televisual terms, we're pretty sure this means he is a rung above Don Draper. Though professionally Dre wants for nothing, the offer and some domestic events lead him to consider if he has lost something of his racial and cultural identity as he has chased success.

Johnson is intentionally drawn as an excellent employee. But, part of trying to "have it all" is that you lose something of both. Though Johnson ranks high on our fictional performance reviews, he will never be able to touch the kind of man who puts his career before everything else, a man who lives for his work, a man who understands that his soul purpose in life is to design microwave ovens: biological imperatives be damned.

Played by: Alec Baldwin

Occupation: Corporate Executive

Strengths: Savvy business sense, unshakable confidence

Weaknesses: A disdain for his subordinates

Few businessmen, fictional or otherwise, can come close to Jack Donaghy's prowess. Donaghy began piling up business accolades before he graduated from Harvard Business School, and he hasn't stopped achieving since. Whether he has worked in poisons, microwaves, or television programming, Jack Donaghy has found dozens of different paths to success.

Like any great titan of industry, Donaghy is never satisfied. Despite rising through the ranks at GE, Kabletown, and NBC, he still strives for greater business recognition. Even though he served as a high ranking member in the George W. Bush administration, he seeks greater influence. Despite on several occasions finding things—be they women or dishwashers—that make him truly happy, Jack Donaghy always looks for more. And like any great business leader, Donaghy has made sure to leave behind a legacy so that future generations can follow his business blueprint. By adapting and promoting G.E.'s Six Sigma process and authoring his book Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business, Donaghy has ensured that his unique combination of drive, vision, and unrelenting masculinity will survive long after he has hung up his business tuxedo and strolled off into the sunset.