Diaper Dandies: The 2017 Celebrity Baby Power Rankings

Which famous babies are better than the rest?

2017 Babies
Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

2017 Babies

Well guys, it certainly has been awhile since we took stock of the celebrity baby world and figured out which tot ruled them all. Just in case you forgot, when we originally published this ranking in November 2014, North West resoundingly topped the list, followed by Blue Ivy Carter and Prince George. But so much has changed in the last two years.

A lot of new babies have been born, and a lot of former babies have been aged out of the classification. (Reminder: a baby is defined as being zero to three years old.) Goodbye Baby Future! Have fun in preschool, Blue Ivy! See you later Prince George! With so many spots in the Baby Top Ten vacated, and so many newcomers vying for infant glory, we once again crunched the numbers, looked at adorable photos, and unfairly judged celebrity parents. Which babies are running shit in their early years? Which ones have more Instagram followers than God? Which ones appear to be on track to rule the world? Those are the questions we asked ourselves, all to provide you with an updated, definitive list. Without further ado, here are The 2017 Celebrity Baby Power Rankings. 

P.S. Some babies who appeared on the 2016 ranking appear on this version as well; you can see how far they've fallen or how high they've risen in the parentheses next to their names. 

P.P.S. And again, in case it needs to be said, this is all in good fun. We love all babies—even not-famous ones.

25. Sienna Princess Wilson

Ciara and Russell Wilson

20. Princess Charlotte of Cambridge (-8)

Princess Charlotte

15. Amada Gosling (-10)

Ryan Gosling Eva Mendes

16. Dream Kardashian (-15)

Dream Kardashian

15. Iman Tayla Shumpert Jr. (-14)

Junie

Parents: Teyana Taylor & Iman Shumpert

Date of birth: Dec. 16, 2015

Highest praise from a website: "A mere look at Iman Shumpert and Teyana Taylor's baby girl will tell you that she's absolutely precious." — BET.com

How babies do you know have starred in a Kanye West video? I'LL WAIT. So yeah, this child, who Teyana and Shump call "Junie," is a star. She's also unbelievably genetically gifted, and will the most beautiful, cut person in the world when she grows up. Aside from all that, Junie tops the list because of her birth story. She didn't go to Sinai like all the Kardashian babies; she wasn't born in a private hospital wing like Blue Ivy. No—this kid was delivered with Iman Shumpert's bare-ass hands. I'll let Teyana take it from here:

On Dec 16th at 6:42am in our bathroom Junie decided she wanted to take her first breath into this world. She came out as a wonderful surprise to everyone! Not knowing I was in labor until I felt her head...it took two ten count pushes with my fiancé playing Dr and she entered this world into his bare hands! Eyes full of tears and barely able to speak to the emergency operator @imanshumpert tied a pair of red headphones around the umbilical cord and the ambulance made there grand entrance 5 min later. She opened her eyes right away, gazed into mine and never cried! He handed her to me wrapped in our bath towel and wiped her face for me to see what LOVE really is. She has blown Christmas away! Our family is complete. Her blueprint will be unmatched.

Holy shit. This is the G.O.A.T. baby.

UPDATE: Junie has kept pretty quiet after her batshit insane birth and casual cameo in a Kanye West music video. She’s got a closet full of designer clothes and even has her own line of headwraps, but that’s table stakes for celebrity babies in this post-North West world. She apparently enjoys casual nights of throwing shit and stealing other people’s pizza at Chuck E. Cheese’s with her parents in Cleveland. While that might sound “normal,” when your parents are such immaculate beings, a simple trip to Chuck E Cheese becomes merely a golden opportunity to yield her genetic prowess over the other peasant babies. It is also public knowledge that she loves to poop. All other 1-and-a-half year olds love to poop too, you might say. But was that fact plastered all over GQ alongside glossy photos of them driving a hot pink car? Didn’t think so.

12. Bari Najma Ali

Bari Ali

11. Maya Versano

Gal Gadot Maya

10. Pharrell Williams' Triplets

Helen Lasichanh and Pharrell Williams

9. The Kid of Donald Glover (-5)

Donald Glover

8. Eissa Al Mana

Eissa Al Mana

7. Ella and Alexander Clooney

George and Amal Clooney

6. Beaumont Gino Peele

Jordan Peele and Chelsea Peretti

5. Saint West (-2)

Saint West

4. Kensli Bennett

Kensli Bennett

3. Luna Stephens

Luna Legend

2. Sir & Rumi Carter

Sir and Rumi Carter

1. Asahd Khaled

Asahd Khaled

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