How to Survive the Workplace, According to George Costanza

The key to survive your 9-5 has been with George Costanza all along.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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What would Seinfeld be without the perennial failings of George Costanza to laugh at? While best friend Jerry dates a new woman each week and flourishes in his career, George (played by Jason Alexander) is, more often than not, catching one life-brick after another. He fails spectacularly with the ladies, of course, but the lion's share of Costanza story arcs and subplots involve his near-endless search for a job. And when he finally gets one, the fails continue, because George is a self-destructive narcissist.

Yup, over the course of nine seasons, George has basically experienced everything, the lows of being an unemployed Broke Boy™ and the highs of being a comfortably employed fuccboi. Who better to take dos and don'ts advice from than a guy who's been through it all, right?* Let George Costanza tell you how to avoid the fuckshit and flourish in corporate America, with these GIFs of his greatest workplace hits—and his funniest misses.

*In actuality, considering dude spent five whole seasons unemployed, one should probably heed everything George does, and do the exact opposite.

 

Get revenge on your fuccboi boss.

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The severance package is a flourish.

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Take no bullsh*t in a pitch meeting.

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A fresh suit makes the perfect impression.

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The world is your oyster after you nail an interview.

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Christen a new job (and a new desk) the proper way.

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Become the boss' pet.

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The inter-office hookup is inevitable.

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Grab a nap wherever you can.

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Abuse the perks as much as possible.

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Quit while you're ahead.

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Watch your race jokes.

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Keep a comeback ready.

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Always appear stressed and under pressure.

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When in doubt, do nothing.

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Get yourself fired when a better job opens up.

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When all else fails, do the opposite.

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