The Complex Guide to NBA All-Star Weekend Parties

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WHEN: Friday, 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.
WHERE: ESPN Zone LA Live
HOSTED BY: Ron Artest
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Tony Yayo, Lamar Odom, Kevin James
WHAT TO WEAR: New Eras and complimentary BALL'N kicks
THEME SONG: "Who Are You," Ron Artest feat. Nas and Xin Xin
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Who can't get into an ESPN Zone?
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 2. At the risk of sounding like halfway crooks, when it comes to girls at this event, we're scared to death and scared to look.
DON'T GO IF.... you're shook.

WHEN: Friday, 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m.
WHERE: The Highlands Hollywood Night Club
HOSTED BY: Dwight Howard, Antonio Cromartie, Glen “Big Baby” Davis, Willis McGahee
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Shawn Kemp, Tracy Jordan
WHAT TO WEAR: Condoms
THEME SONG: "What’s My Name," Rihanna

feat. Drake
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: If you're not making paper, you better have a hot chick with you.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. This group of hosts is, how can we put this...virile. Pause.

The potential to lock down a baller for 18-21 years is off the charts at this

event. Expect a primo groupie turnout.
DON'T GO IF.... you brought your girl with you.

WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to 2 a.m.
WHERE: J Lounge
HOSTED BY: Matt Barnes
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Wiz Khalifia, Snooki, JWOWW
WHAT TO WEAR: Purp and yellow...but collared
THEME SONG: "Purp & Yellow"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Pretty good. Matt Barnes is hosting.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 3. Uhhh...Matt Barnes is hosting.
DON'T GO IF.... you're a Celtics fan.

WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to 3 a.m.
WHERE: Exchange Los Angeles
HOSTED BY: Rick Ross and Nicki Minaj (allegedly)
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Biz Markie is (allegedly) spinning
WHAT TO WEAR: Whatever you wore to work that day
THEME SONG: "Imaginary Player," Jay-Z
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: You'll get in.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 1. Four different promoters claim to be throwing this party at two different venues. Discerning groupies will take this as a sign that neither party is the real deal.
DON'T GO IF.... you can get into any of the other parties.

WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to 4 a.m.
WHERE: The Shrine Expo Center
HOSTED BY: Weezy F. Baby
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Chris Paul, Kobe, Nicki Minaj, Zooey Deschanel
WHAT TO WEAR: Skinny pants and some Vans
THEME SONG: "6'7""
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Pretty good...big-ass venue.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 4. Weezy owns hip-hop so much right now that they didn’t even have to put another name on the flyer. It’s a safe bet, that no matter what your preference, you can find it here.
DON'T GO IF.... you're just gonna stand around ice-grilling.

WHEN: Friday, 9 p.m. to close
WHERE: The Standard Hotel Downtown
HOSTED BY: Snoop Dogg
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Baron Davis, Far East Movement, Chris Brown, Cameron Diaz
WHAT TO WEAR: Someting ObyO, something Rick Owens
THEME SONG: "Kush," Dr. Dre feat. Snoop
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Decent, it being a hotel and all
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. Scheduled performances by Neil Armstrong, plus DJ Khaled, plus Chris Breezy. A lot of bases covered there.
DON'T GO IF.... you're still mad that Snoop came through and crushed the buildings.

WHEN: Saturday, 8 p.m. to close
WHERE: Boulevard 3
HOSTED BY: Kobe Bryant
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: ?uestlove, Jack Nicholson, Kobe-Stans
WHAT TO WEAR: Shiny suit
THEME SONG: "No Hands," Waka Flocka
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Even if you do, you won't get within three-point range of Kobe.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 2. We imagine Vanessa standing by the door sending chickenheads home.
DON'T GO IF.... you have open warrants.

WHEN: Saturday, 10:30 p.m. to 1 a.m.
WHERE: Playboy Mansion
HOSTED BY: Nelly
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: The Hef, The Situation, The Big-Tittied Girls
WHAT TO WEAR: Smoking jacket, Speedo
THEME SONG: "Hot in Herre"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: If you got a famous connect, you should be good. Don't act up, though.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. Dude: It's a fitness-themed party at the Playboy Mansion. Do the math.
DON'T GO IF.... your ab game is weak.

WHEN: Sunday, 9 p.m. to close
WHERE: Kress Hollywood
HOSTED BY: Dwyane Wade & Fabolous
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Derrick Rose, Bron Bron, Gabrielle Union, some "Yo, ain't that...." B-listers
WHAT TO WEAR: Gucci, Louis Vuitton
THEME SONG: "You Be Killin Em"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Gonna be a tougher one.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 4.5. Real NBA stars + second-tier rapper + Hollywood locale. It's a formula, sons.
DON'T GO IF.... you roll with Bassy Telfair.

WHEN: Sunday, 9 p.m. to close
WHERE: Exchange Los Angeles
HOSTED BY: Diddy
CELEBS YOU MIGHT SEE: Jay-Z, Beyonce, Brad Pitt, that one chick from Dirty Money
WHAT TO WEAR: White
THEME SONG: "All of the Lights"
YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IN: Dude, look above.
QUALITY OF GROUPIES (1-5): 5. These aren't even groupies, fam.
DON'T GO IF.... you hate Ciroc.