A History of Athlete Strip Club Fails

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Date: 1994-1999
Athlete(s) involved: *Deep breath*: Jamal Anderson, Patrick Ewing, Terrell Davis, Larry Johnson (Basketball), John Starks, Dikembe Mutombo, Andruw Jones, Reggie Miller, Jerry Stackhouse and Dale Davis. Oh, and Dennis Rodman.

The story of Atlanta's Gold Club is very simple. Big name customers bring in more business. If you want to give your club the illusion of being an "It" joint you want high profile clients, let's call them "Patrick Ewing" and "Terrell Davis," whereas if you attract nobodies, let's call them "You" and "Your friends," then the establishment is, by definition, not a happenin' place.

That was the model behind owner Steve Kaplan's vision when he took over the club in 1994. As a Knicks fan he kept the resident squad from the Big Apple happy telling any strippers who objected to his unique approach that they wouldn't be complaining when "We're sitting in the front row of Madison Square Garden." One bright spot would be player-turned-announcer-turned-coach-turned-announcer Mark Jackson who refused complimentary "services" because he was "happily married." SMH.

Date: 2003
Athlete(s) involved: Gary Payton, Sam Cassell, Jason Caffey

Gary Payton is known to have a mean trash talking game and it was on full display in a Toronto strip club back in 2003. That's what was alleged by male exotic dancer Adrian Cimpean who said the Hall of Famer was insulting his fiancee, exotic female dancer Vida Asante. At that point a fight broke out and Milwaukee Bucks teammates Sam Cassell and Jason Caffey came along for the "ride" ("ride" of course means kicking Cimpean's ass). The stripper pair decided to sue the trio, and charges were subsequently filed.

During the trial, a Canadian provincial judge claimed the two strippers were exaggerating and lying during their testimony and said there was reasonable doubt surrounding the entire case. In fairness, the judge said that Cassell was also lying in his testimony to protect his fellow Buck. What Cassell did admit was that Payton said: "Come here my whore," though "whore" wasn't intended to be derogatory. How it possibly could've been taken that way is unclear.

Even though the judge thought Payton was the fight instigator, the charges were ultimately dropped and karma rewarded him with a championship before he was eventually enshrined in Springfield. Now you can find the threesome either: breaking down the NBA on Fox Sports 1, writing out almost a dozen separate child support checks, or abducting humans for experimentation back on his home planet.

Date: 10/16/2006
Athlete(s) involved: Stephen Jackson, Jamaal Tinsley, Marquis Daniels, Jimmie Hunter

Tim Duncan called him the "ultimate teammate." He was awarded his own day by the Mayor of San Francisco. And he even established an Academy of Art, Science and Technology that's on its way to accreditation. Yet in 2006, despite that resume, Stephen Jackson found himself on the business end of a strip club melee roughly halfway through training camp.

While the Indiana Pacers were trying to rehab their "Malice at the Palace" image, Jackson and teammates Jamaal Tinsley, Marquis Daniels, and Jimmie Hunter stayed out past curfew and found themselves in the type of situation that would take place at 2 A.M. outside a strip club. According to Jackson, a patron was planning on jumping Tinsley when he decided to approach him with a gun and pistol-whipped him. At that point he fired five warning shots into the air when he was hit by a car driving 45 MPH causing him to land on the pavement face first getting his teeth knocked out in the process (some accounts have him firing the warning shots here, which would make more sense.)

Date: 2007
Athlete(s) involved: Pacman Jones

When you think of athletes and strip clubs you think of Adam "Pacman" Jones. There's good reason for that as the 6th overall pick participated in the most memorable of all Athlete/Stripper altercations.

Over the weekend of the 2007 NBA All-Star Break, in a Las Vegas strip club called Min xx, Pacman followed the lead of rapper Nelly who tossed a handful of cash in the air aka making it rain on the main stage. Pacman said that he did this for "visual effect" but was unaware that anybody would actually pick up the money. For anyone thinking about doing the same, when you "Make it rain," don't expect a refund.

When the "dancers" started to pick up the former first rounder's dough he lost his shit and grabbed the biggest offender by the hair before smashing her head into the stage. When the bouncer did what he's paid to do, Pacman and his entourage scuffled with security and the D-Bag D-Back threatened the guard's life. A short while later a member of the entourage returned and fired a gun wildly into a crowd, injuring three people including security guard Tommy Urbanski which left the former pro wrestler permanently paralyzed from the waist down.

Date: 2007
Athlete(s) involved: Alex Rodriguez

Another stripper incident that happened north of the border in Toronto, this time featuring the richest man in MLB history. Alex Rodriguez opted out of Seattle, and then Arlington. With that he left two relatively non-confrontational media markets to go east to the biggest press dynamo in the world: New York City. That newspaper cover above (as well as a revelation that A-Rod prefers the "she-male muscular type") is the difference between Washington-state and Texas and the overly invasive East Coast.

While being caught with a stripper isn't a crime, it's not the best thing to do when you're still married and are simultaneously trying to protect those previously mentioned riches. It's hard to combat a "serial adulterer" charge when the paparazzi catches you with a stripper; and when the judge asks about the photo you can't exactly counter with "Uh....she has a nice personality."

While we're not sure how much the settlement eventually cost A-Rod, we can assume it was "a lot." We'll just call it the most expensive strip club visit ever. 

Date: 2008
Athlete(s): Joba Chamberlain

When Joba Chamberlain was arrested for driving over 1.5 times Nebraska's legal limit, he at least had a very good excuse: A Boston fan yelled "If you played for the Red Sox, you wouldn't be sitting here" referring to both the 2008 ALCS as well as a strip club in the Cornhusker state.

Just another phase of the rivalry that's gone from Babe Ruth, to Bucky Dent, to a hammered Chamberlain trying to watch women dance naked, in peace.

Date: 2010
Athlete(s) involved: Zach Randolph

If you're going to have an enemy, it's preferable that he's not 6'9", 260 lbs. Gary Ferguson isn't so lucky, as he's had not one but two run-ins with Zach Randolph. Ferguson previously sued Randolph in 2009 when he claimed that the All-Star attacked him at a pizza parlor. The following year, at 2 A.M. at a strip club, Randolph was there and showed great restraint. Ferguson was safe. That is until a member of Randolph's crew beat Ferguson up instead.

This is in addition to a 2007 incident when Randolph (whilst on the NBA Bereavement list) mourned the loss of his girlfriend's cousin, who was shot, by going to a Portland strip club. Honestly, we're not going to sweat him for that since there's few better ways to grieve than motor boating a pair of implants in a private room.

Date: 2010
Athlete(s) involved: Vince Young

Depending on who you believe, the above fight either started because the club owner (a Texas A&M fan) gave Young the "Hook 'Em Horns" sign upside down; or the club owner was assaulted because he couldn't make change for Young, (meaning he didn't have 8,000 $1 dollar bills).

One of those is an entirely reasonable justification for violence, and the other is failing to have 8,000 singles on hand. The club owner (Creiton Kinchen) sued Young for "assault with a deadly weapon" (which is either invisible, or just means Young's fists). When the case was eventually settled for an undisclosed amount the catalyst for the fight appeared to be a combination of the two.

Date: 2013
Athlete(s) involved: Adrien Broner

Boxer Adrien Broner found his strip club shenanigans being caught on candid phone camera. There's a reason that we opted for a picture of him in the ring instead of simply embedding the video, and that's because this is Complex and not, say, Youjizz. Broner took to the stage and then had himself a shameless meal that we'll tastefully refer to as, uh, stripper box. Which leads us to the second reason we didn't post the video, simply watching it may cause a cold sore outbreak.

Date: 2014
Athlete(s) involved: Paul George

Maybe even take that a step farther and say "Impregnates" the merchandise. At least we'll know for sure if George agrees to take a paternity test. If the child is his, George already said he'd embrace his fathering responsibilities providing both emotional and financial support for the kid. Who knows, perhaps along the way George may regale the youngster with a "How I Met Your Mother" romantic tale about the time he first saw her tatas, and knew he just had to "hit that" which led to conception via one-night stand. A real-life Cinderella story. 

On second thought...maybe just make something up.

Date: 2012-2014
Athlete(s) involved: Bryant McKinnie

Bryant McKinnie allegedly owed $375,000 to a Miami strip club that just so happened to be run by Trick Daddy's...daddy. To get this ridiculous six-figure sum from the former Hurricane turned Dolphin, Trick Daddy Sr. was forced to heap a lawsuit upon the NFL veteran. After 20 months of free lap dances, the bill came. McKinnie initially denied the expense by saying "What strip club gives you a $375,000 tab? It just sounds stupid to me. I've never heard of this in my life. This is bogus to me."  He eventually settled on $150,000, which we agree is a much more reasonable strip club bill.