I haven't been to a wedding since I was a little kid, but it's common knowledge that buying the right wedding gift provides a unique set of anxieties for any self-respecting adult. You don't want to be "that guy" who bought the same toaster as everyone else. Obviously, if you're any sort of friend, you'll find the right material object that communicates your very special and very personal relationship to the bride and/or groom (depending on who sent you the e-vite). That's what friends are for.
Of course, Cristiano Ronaldo doesn't have to worry about those sorts of problems because Cristiano Ronaldo is a multi-millionaire who can flex at a moment's notice whenever these conundrums may arise in his life. Point in case: Sunday, Ronaldo put the Greek debt crisis on his muthafuckin' back and bought a Greek island for his newlywed agent at the man's wedding in Porto, Portugal. Yes, instead of showing up with some freshly-wrapped BBB (Bed, Bath, and Beyond, duh) product nestled under his arm, Cristiano came through with the deed for a literally godly tract of land. Once upon a time, Zeus probably vacationed on whatever island Ronaldo picked out for his chief bread negotiator.
The island reportedly cost between $3.28 million and $54.8 million to purchase. Pretty wide gap to consider, but, either way, we should all feel completely inadequate for having bought our best friend since grade school a fucking Magic Bullet on what was supposed to be the most magical day of his life.
Send all complaints, compliments, and tips to sportstips@complex.com.
[via Vice Sports]
