11 NBA Personalities Charles Oakley Should G-Check Next

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Oh my God, where to even start. Ideally, Oakley would be the moderator of First Take, or whatever godawful show replaces it when Skip leaves ESPN, and just gets his Deontay Wilder on daily. Barring that, he could just follow Stephen A. around and slap him whenever he says anything at all. Chances are it'll be justified 90 percent of the time. At least. —RB

Surely some of you who are thinking, “Why KD? Why would anyone need to check the wholesome, spindly, Servant of God?” If this is you, you haven't been paying attention. Lately Kevin Durant has gone from quiet NBA megastar to Old Kobe, meaning he's cursing in interviews, speaking for people that aren't him, and calling out other NBA players with no regard. Kevin, it's one thing to say Dwight Howard's a “p***y,” it's quite another to interrupt Russell Westbrook to call a famous billionaire owner “a idiot.” Bruv, you've been to one NBA Finals. You have no rings. Kobe could bristle at the media because he was a five-time champ. Might be time for Oakley to slow down the Bad Boy KD train and get the Durantula back on that Thunderstruck family friendly wave. —MP

If Oak were in the league today, he would’ve stepped to LeBron multiple times. The self-proclaimed "King" flops as if he’s the size of Allen Iverson and literally looks like he’s about to cry when a call doesn’t go his way. And let us not forget the comments he made during a postgame presser when he reminded us all of how worthless our lives are. He definitely needs to be G-checked. Oak will push his wig back for sure. —AD

During the highs of his playing career, Gilbert Arenas was a one-man wrecking crew, single handedly keeping the Washington Wizards in games they had no business being in. Post-basketball, he's still a one-man wrecking crew, only in a completely nondesirable way. Charles Oakley should leave photos of his fists in Arenas's locker (at the Y or whatever) with a note that says PICK ONE. —RB

D’Angelo Russell ruined his career before it even began. The whole situation is shady as fuck. He tried to say he did it for the Snap but we know how that app works. There’s no way to upload a 30 second video on there, my guy. He violated the G-Code so he needs to be G-checked by one of basketball’s greatest bullies. Imagine Oakley towering over Russell while calling him a punk? I wish we had a time machine. —AD

You already know most of the reasons why Skip needs to get barked on: Absurd takes, trolling, lying about high school basketball glory, being a Cowboys fan, etc. But it goes deeper than that. Skip's a fitness nut. And like most old guys in decent shape who are fitness nuts, he probably has a wildly-inflated view of how he would fare in a fight. THAT'S why we need Skip to get checked. For the tiny sliver of a chance he thinks finishing his 30-day squat challenge prepares him to go one-on-one with Oak. —MP

Confusing, right? Matt Barnes is the one that does the checking around here. He thinks he’s the big man on the block. That’s until Charles Oakley comes through playing Diana Ross’ “The Boss” and tells him how it’s going to be (Jigga reference). Derek Fisher was g-checked by Barnes, but remember when he tried to pick on somebody his own size? Kobe didn’t flinch at all. If the Oakster would’ve pretended to throw a basketball at Kobe’s face, the Black Mamba would’ve turned into a garter snake. —AD

Jerry Colangelo is on a heater right now. As “advisor” to the 76ers' ownership, he advised them to make an early exit from a plan everyone agreed would take 3-5 years, advised former GM Sam Hinkie to hire his own replacement (which led to Hinkie's resignation), and advised the Sixers to hire his son, Bryan Colangelo, as the new GM (which they did). Jerry Colangelo is rolling in USA Basketball gold medals and unlimited executive power just throwing his weight around and getting his son jobs like it's nothing. As the NBA's former enforcer, Charles Oakley needs to check this man before he advises Philadelphia into a Rajon Rondo max deal and makes his wife Assistant Director of Player Development. —MP

Charles Oakley was an ex-Bull by the time Phil Jackson took over, traded for Knicks center Bill Cartwright in the summer of 1988. One has to wonder how things would have gone Zen-wise had Oak still been around. Since taking over in New York, Jackson has been his usual inscrutable self, acting as if his “11 champ;ipnsikp[ ringhs” somehow transferred over. What is the sound of one hand slapping the shit out of you? —RB

I mean, does this really need an explanation? He's on his way to possibly his fourth team and is responsible for dismantling the locker room morale in three places. Oak would've slammed Dwight on his neck if they played in each other's era. We need him to chump Howard up for the culture. We deserve it. —AD

Fish! You ruined the Knicks, you bastard. You also violated the code by dating Matt Barnes’ ex behind his back. If he were really your friend, you would’ve given him the heads up. And if he still felt some type of way, then you handle it like men not rat on him to the league and the police. Who raised you? Where's the honor? Oakley should hit you with the same uppercut Tommy "Hitman" Hearns hit Martin with. You'll never find work in this town again. —AD