The Most Hilarious "The Onion" Articles on Fashion and Style

Date: April 19, 2012

Crux of article: "In a bold move that has become the talk of the fashion world, morbidly depressed designer Ralph Lauren has unveiled a wrinkled dress shirt stained with marinara sauce, part of a new ready-to-wear fall line reflecting the clothing legend's deep and seemingly inescapable despondency."

Best lines: "'I designed this shirt because no matter how hard I try, I can never be happy,' said Lauren, who spoke to reporters Saturday in a detached monotone, though he was heard quietly sobbing as the crumpled blue oxford with a large orange blotch down the front made its runway debut."

"...the new shirt is the signature item in Lauren's recently launched 'Fuck It, Just Fuck Everything' line. Other items, such as stretch-fit khakis, mismatched socks, and well-worn penny loafers soaked in rainwater, are specifically tailored to complement the shirt."

"Many critics have raved over the new collection, praising the signature shirt for its pre-stained pits and flecks of paper towel suggesting a halfhearted and quickly abandoned attempt to clean up. Others, however, have echoedNew York Times fashion writer Cathy Horyn, who simply said, 'You're gonna get through this.'"

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Date: December 11, 2010

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Date: January 23, 2007

Crux of article: "Fashion house and perfumer Chanel, famed for its iconic, $300-an-ounce No. 5 scent, announced that it has created a cost-efficient fragrance for the Third World, one specifically designed for the rigors of dry, dusty, less glamorous environments in the Southern Hemisphere."

Best lines: "'Smelling positively bewitching should be the right of everyone, not just a privileged few,' said Chanel CEO Maureen Chiquet."

"After six years of trial and error, Chanel's 17-member development team was able to bring the perfume's cost down to a more affordable $100-an-ounce." "'That we were able to pull it off for a price that is, by fashion-industry standards, nearly free, is a testament to what we can do for the less fortunate when we really want to,' said Chiquet, who expects 3rd to be popular among consumers 'from Nigerian shanty towns to Bangladeshi floodplain villages.'" 

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Date: February 22, 2013

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Date: March 11, 2013

Crux of article: "The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from the state’s premier apparel and footwear designers."

Best lines: “'This week is a chance to show off the hottest new Iowa looks—from long johns to windbreakers to hooded sweatshirts,' said 31-year-old Fashion Week coordinator Jennifer Cathcart. 'What’s on display over the next few days will soon be seen all over the trendiest streets in the likes of Davenport, Sioux City, and Algona.'”

"The festivities reportedly began with a gala show at the Hampton Inn near the Des Moines Airport. According to reports, dozens of fans clamored to watch models strut down the butcher-paper catwalk in Conference Room B wearing Jockey’s 2013 line of white crew-neck tees as the Roosevelt High School jazz band performed a rendition of Katy Perry’s 'Firework.'"

“'The big themes this season are "roomy," "loose," and "comfortable,"' said Cathcart, adding that there is already considerable buzz surrounding the new American flag–inspired sweaters from Kohl’s."

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Date: April 7, 2006

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Date: July 13, 2005

Crux of article: "Gregg Reinisch, a Clarksville-area masturbator, stays on top of all the latest trends in swimwear by watching the E! cable network."

Best lines: "'About five or six years ago, before I started watching E!, I took a trip to the south of France," Reinisch said. "It was awful—there were swimsuits all around me, but I didn't have the slightest idea which ones were the hot new styles to keep an eye on. I was an uninformed beachgoer, and that's the worst kind.'"

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Date: July 18, 2006

Crux of article: "More than 11,000 trendsetters, tastemakers, movers, and shakers gathered in Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood Monday to declare a strike against the broad segment of the American population that they say routinely copies their fashions, musical tastes, and sensibilities."

Best lines: "Until the public accepts their demands, the strikers vow to wear only gray or blue utilitarian sweatpants or flannel, and refuse to listen to any synthesized music, wear makeup, shop at thrift stores, bake cupcakes, 'make the scene,' or discuss any potential trends or up-and-coming drugs."

"'None of my friends know what to do anymore,' said 17-year-old Kari Hartley, a  Fayetteville, AR high-school student who relies on lower-tier stores like Hot Topic for fashion cues."

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